Now don't get me wrong. I have NO problem with a knight in shining armor. I wish EVERYONE a happy love story. The truth is, I have mine. My husband moved me to love in my teenage years. He stirred me then and now.
The idea that I am talking about comes after the initial pursuit. It can happen during dating...but it really settles in nicely after a few years of marriage. This idea is that a woman should RECEIVE romance. A woman shouldn't have to light candles, or flame romance. A woman should always RECEIVE it. It is our entitlement. If a man REALLY loved me, he would always be in pursuit of ME.
I recently watched "The Bachelorette" on television. If you are not familiar with the story line, a young woman in search of love has 24 men to choose from. All of the men clamor for her attention and she chooses one at the end. It is considered a "reality" TV show. (Although the reality of such a show could surely be questioned) Anyways, I enjoyed watching it. At some point during the season, I started to feel the weeds of discontentment crawl around my heart and start to squeeze.
I couldn't tell you what exactly I was jealous of. In real life, I have a hard time ever pin pointing what makes me jealous of another. It is usually a general feeling that I am not getting what I deserve. I think attention has a lot to do with it. My husband and I are approaching our tenth anniversary and with 3 small children, we don't give each other the same attention that we once did. (I am sure he will read this along with the rest of you.. so Hi Mike I love you.)
Those discontented feelings caused me to evaluate my heart. There I found this idea. This FALSE idea. I could blame it on storybooks, movies, the media, or the devil. But there it was: I AM SUPPOSED TO BE PURSUED FOREVER. IT IS MY HUSBANDS JOB TO MAKE ME HAPPY. MY HUSBAND SHOULD BE MORE ROMANTIC.
Whoa. I did not like the looks of my own selfish heart. I remembered the "bachelorette" saying at some point, "I don't want to let the right one get away." I started to think about myself. Is it possible (after 10 years of marriage to one man) for me to let the right one get away. Suddenly, I realized that it is possible for me to have the man of my dreams sitting right in front of me...and let him get away.
I could with the absence of my own effort allow the distancing of our hearts. I felt moved and convicted to romance my husband. Instantly the list of "things I used to do for him" seemed way longer than the short list of things I was throwing myself a pity party for missing. I used to set out and iron his clothes, call him to chat, touch him for no reason, ask him if he needs something, make his plate, light candles, play music, compliment WAY more, pray for him, want to know his dreams and goals, bring him coffee, make him lunch, flirt... OH MY WORD!
Now, yes, my husband should romance me too, but men know that and are always held accountable for that in our culture. Women on the other hand, have the idea that it is NOT my job. Who says? I don't believe it. Love is the business of giving. Who can resist it's power? There is nothing wrong with making yourself lovable. Husbands and wives often take turns having the extra energy and emotion to give. Out of generous hearts filled and motivated by the boundless love of Christ... a marriage flourishes. The romance never runs out with both members filling it up.
So, pursue your husband. Love him in deed, and build him up in your heart. God Bless,