The walk went fine. We never even saw a car the whole time. We were almost back to the house on our very quiet road. Clayton was probably 10 feet in front of me, and I saw a car. I said, "Clayton, Get in the grass there is a car." He usually obeys this command immediately, because he is careful by nature. I'm not sure if I even looked down, but I know I looked up and Clayton had decided to cross the street to go to our house instead. The careening old truck was now a few feet from my son as I was screaming helpless, "Clayton!!!!!AHHHHH."
He stopped in the middle of the road. The truck swerved and barreled by almost hitting our mailbox. Stillness... Me. My baby in a stroller. My little girl next to me. My son on his bike on the yellow lines 15 feet away from me. Everyone perfectly fine. Everyone perfectly out of my control.
So, what do I do? Try to control. Grab Clayton, bring him to the grass and force understanding yelling, "you could have been smashed!" I didn't do anything terrible really. As a parent, I think everyone acts angry. Yet, thinking about it now, I could cringe. Not because my actions were so terrible, but because it is who I am. Out of Control. Literally. Sinful. Anger appears as a means for control, but it is not.
I am overwhelmed by my own inability and unworthiness. The fact that God takes care of my children (my calling right now) better than me, makes me feel small.
What does that have to do with God calling and God longing for you? Listen to the story of Peter's calling. Simon Peter and I would have gotten along. He was a doer. He knew what he was doing. He struggled with anger. I get him. Simon Peter was a fisherman, and God called.
Imagine a crowd gathering beside a lake to hear Jesus speak. You know how crowds press. Jesus told Simon Peter to push the boat out on the lake so he could speak from it. I can imagine how people listened. Then, later on, Jesus told Peter to put out the fishing nets in deep water. (This is my favorite part) Simon Peter responded (Luke 5:5) "Master, We've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets."
Because you say so! Really Simon Peter? I love how he made it perfectly clear that this is ridiculous. Oh, the abundance in obedience. (Luke 5:6-7) They caught so many fish that their nets began to break, and they had to get another boat. Both boats began to sink. Wow. Because He says so is pretty powerful indeed! Luke 5:8 When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!” 9 For he and all his companions were astonished at the catch of fish they had taken, 10 and so were James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.
Simon Peter reacted like that really? He fell on his knees and asked Jesus to leave? I understand it. Today, I was asked to be obedient. Today, I feel like a fished all night and got nothing out of it. Today, I sent my empty nets flying. Today, I'm in the abundance of his mercy and provision. I have the same reaction. "But Lord, I'm soooooooo bad at this! But Lord, I'm sooooo sinful. Not Me! Go Away because I can't stand how I see myself when you are near."
Then Jesus said to Simon, “Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.” 11 So they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.
Okay Lord. God Called. God Calls. It is not the righteous that he calls, but the sinner. Obey Him today. Even if the only reason you can think of is "because You said so." Watch the abundance in obedience!